Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
