I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
