I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
