worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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