That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well I can't set my house on fire every night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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