make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
