How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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