I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
