I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
