i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
