we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
