So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
