Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
