I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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