my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
