I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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