I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
