you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
