Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
