so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
