You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
