girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
