you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
