Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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