he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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