hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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