u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
