People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
