U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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