Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
