Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
