Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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