he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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