thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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