so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
