What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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