First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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