Pants 0. Shit 1.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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