The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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