Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
