When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
