your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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