im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
