My liver just broke up with me...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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