Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
