we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
