I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
