What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
