I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
