Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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