it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
