Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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