Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
