Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
