Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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