he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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