I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
