Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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